Of course I was not oblivious to the other issues that are presented to “us” American’s or even to us humans, but I guess that those books I read before never convinced me.

My first experience of doubting what I am planning to do with my life came when our Core Course went to Little Village, and spoke with some community organizers that discussed the issue of environmental pollution that was affecting everyone that lived there, and every aspect of their lives. Their children were being subjected to physically harmful agents due to a principal’s laziness. It took years of protesting to get the actions changed and this principal out of the school.  I have never expressed interest in the environmental issues of today (at least when it came to career options) simply because I always thought you had to like science to do it. For the first time in my mind I was thinking, “Rape Victims? NO no no. I need to be helping these people get these polluting companies out of their land and out of their lives.”

The next time was my trip to the Juvenile Courtroom. These kids, yes, may be committing crimes, but they’re being handled completely in the wrong way. They are being detained for months before their trial has even taken place, before they have even been found guilty they are spending time in jail. Also, these teenagers as young as thirteen are getting sentenced to prison for life without the possibility of parole, (granted these are in only specific cases. But one that is most upsetting is the case where a young man was a “look out” for someone else. This someone else committed a multiple homicide. Because he was an accomplice he is being treated the same way his acting partner was, so he is now being charged with murder. Because he’s being charged with murder he’s automatically sent to Adult Court. He was found guilty, so therefore he has a MANDATORY sentence of life in prison without the chance of parole. This young man, I believe, was 14 years old.)  So then I think, environmental issues? NO, no no. I need to be working with youth that are going through the court system.

Then, we go to the Southwest Youth Colaborative. And they mention that some of the drop out rates in Chicago are in some places as high as 70%. My roommate tells me that the average reading level for the US is 8th grade. And now all I think is, youth in the court system? NO, no no. I need to be improving our education system.

After this we take a trip over to Beyondmedia, and watch documentary after documentary about women in the penetenary. A woman was forced to give birth in her cell, because she was negelected so much. The sexual assault by officers is infuriating. The children that are affected by having their mother’s gone for such long periods of time. Now my mind is saying, education system? NO, no no. I need to be working for the rights of women who are incarcerated.

We make our way over to CeaseFire. Meet with two ex gang members, talk about the hundreds of kids being shot daily, the hundreds of kids being killed weekly, by gang violence. We discuss, of course now that Fenger has happened this is a more nationally known problem, but we discuss how for some youth, simply walking to school, is a fight for their lives everyday. Rights for women who are incarcerated? NO, no no. I need to be working on prevention and intervention of gang violence.

This can keep going. We can talk about the elderly, we can talk about the LGBTQ (for those that don’t know Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Queer) community, we can talk about autism and mentally disabled people. We can talk about prostitutes, and public housing issues, we can talk about the lack of funding to social services, and global warming, and taxes, and health care. We can talk about the bigger issues, sexism, racism, adultism, “faithism,” ageism, “lookism,” ableism. But basically, I’ve decided that everyone should be going into the social service field.

until next time.

-elle

9:33 a.m. train, please come faster. unfold directions. read three times. fold them up. put them in my pocket. take them out again. unfold them. read them again. fold them up, and put them away again.

9:40 a.m. i sit down on the train. take out all my paper work. bill of rights for victims. sexual assault hotline. emergency contreception. am i going to a catholic hospital? i really hope the nurses take me seriously. finish my almonds, i may not get lunch until later. how many more stops? three more. i hope the bus stop isn’t far from the L.

9:50 a.m. why does there have to be construction right here!? i count fifteen cars can go through the light at one time. I see the bus. probably thirty cars away. okay. I’ll get on the bus before 10:00 a.m. and then i’ll get there by 10:20 a.m. what are the signs of vicarious trauma? oh wait that doesn’t have to do with the survivor, i’ll deal with that later. bus come on!!

10:14 a.m. sir, does this go to the hospital? yes. get off at the next stop. how do i get to the emergency room? when you get off walk down the street and then turn left.

10:17 a.m. oh goodness. i walk through the automatic doors, look around several times and then a woman behind the desk asks if she can help me. yes. i’m from RVA. ooooh. she turns to another woman, she’s here. my heart isn’t beating anymore. i thought it’d be pounding by now but i can’t even feel it.

10:20 a.m. she’s just started the rape kit. how about you sit out here until they’re done. do you want coffee. without thinking i answer yes. i think this is probably my second or third time in an emergency room. there’s so much going on. an older gentleman staring at me from across the room. a nurse who seems a little frustrated.

10:25 a.m. wait, how many times have you been pregnant? i hear through the door. I feel like pushing it down, that doesn’t matter, i’d scream. why do i have to sit out here i should be in there.

10:45 a.m. hi, i’m ellen. i’m not from the hospital, or the police. I’m from an outside organization called RVA, rape victim advocates (she shudders when i say the word), i’m here to support you, answer any questions you may have, let you know what your options are. it’s up to you how long i stay, and how much you tell me. but it’s all confidential, unless you indicate to me that you’ll hurt either yourself or someone else. is there anything you need right now?

her tears make me want to cry. those bruises make me angry. the bite marks make me furious. she says she hasn’t eaten in four days. and i’m ready to run out to any restaurant to get her whatever she wants. i’m not telling anyone, she said, and i’m so sad that me, a stranger, is the one person she can trust.

angry, upset, on the verge of tears. thinking of him. trying to remember his face for her. wishing i could have been there.

you’re so strong. it took you so much courage to come here.

11:50 a.m. she’s left for an ultra sound, CT scan, and ekg scan. i’m left in the room, and literaly my mind is blank. the nurse comes in to clean. and we’re both silent.

it’s not your fault. it’s not your fault. it’s not your fault. it’s not your fault.

1:20 p.m. you’re strong, just for coming in, you’re so brave. (i’m not allowed to make promises but i just want to tell her I PROMISE you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. you can’t see it now, but it WILL get better).

four weeks ago i asked myself what it would be like to live in a world without rape. and i can’t imagine it. everywhere i see it. from the dulci and gabanna advertisement in my vogue magazine, to the music vidoes that play while i’m running at bally’s. but if it didn’t exist, i wouldn’t know this amazing woman, and i’d be okay with that. she wouldn’t have to cry, or go days without eating, or have her body exposed to so many people that she didn’t ask to see it! she wouldn’t be in pain. millions of women wouldn’t be living the lives they are.

i loved it. i took a five hour nap after it, and i wasn’t really thinking clearly while i tried to have a relaxing lunch with my roommate later on, i had nothing left in me for the rest of the day. but i loved it. i wish RVA didn’t have to exist, but it was such an amazing feeling to be able to look at this woman, look her in her eyes and say I BELIEVE YOU. YOU DID NOT CAUSE THIS TO HAPPEN. YOU COULDN’T HAVE KNOWN THIS WOULD HAPPEN. and even though nothing may ever get done about getting this man, these men, into jail, if i gave her anything, i hope it’s the confidence to look at this world telling her she’s wrong, and scream back at it, I AM RIGHT. HE WAS WRONG. THIS WAS WRONG.

The first, and probably most frustrating thing is the lack of response from the professors. Core Course has really been the only “class” in which I’ve had concrete papers or blogs due, we had a paper due the very first day we came to class. We are now a month in, and I have received ZERO feedback regarding any of my papers. I’ve completed two blogs, my third will be today, a poem, a paper regarding my home community, and a debate paper. I have no idea what any of my professors think of my work. Maybe I’m simply being too demanding because at CC if I go a week without knowing what my professor thinks of me I’m panicking because I’ve only got two more weeks until the end. But I do not believe I’m being that demanding. Each paper has been capped at three pages (even though I have played with margins and fonts and have written up to, oh my goodness, six for one paper), it’s not as if these professors have hundreds of pages to read for one assignment. Divided I believe they only have about 45 pages to read per assignment (unless everyone is cheating like me and then they 90).  Yes, I understand that this program is a lot more about personal development (and if it’s not then I am not seeing the academic development), but these personal developments that we’re making are extremely political and social, I would LOVE the extra guidance from people who I believe are EXTREMELY informed and intelligent in these respects. I think that’s what frustrates me most. I think each of these professors are AMAZING resources and I want to use them, but they are not responding to anything. On top of all of this, we have an internship blog that we are to write. I’ve invited all professors to “follow” my blog. It’s been two weeks, and NO ONE has responded to my invitation.

The other frustrating aspect of ACM CP is the huge diversity in students, and no I’m definitely not talking race. Core course is probably the most difficult course to teach, simply because it is once a week, and it is the only time when all the programs are mixed together. I am finally now understanding the amazing benefits of having a class be capped at 25. When there are 40 people trying to have an “in depth” conversation about something, in even a three hour long class, it’s simply difficult to get any where beyond the surface. Also, my roommates and I were discussing the huge diversity in the…uh…schooling other students have had. This is only something I heard from one of my roommates so I cannot be sure if it is 100% true, but I trust all my roommates. This last Friday we had questions, freewrites, and a thesis statement due. My roommate overheard someone saying that they did not know what a thesis statement was. Regardless of your college education, you should have been writing thesis statements in HIGH SCHOOL! I realize that CC is known for being writing intensive, but I thought that meant that you wrote simple ten page papers in math, music and english classes, not that it was the kind of college that taught you what a thesis statement is.

Beyond that, in my seminar class, we were discussing education and how it is not good for all races and ethnicities and socioeconomic backgrounds due to the fact that the curriculum was created by Rich White Men (i.e. children learn that America was DISCOVERED by Christopher Columbus, as if the fact that Indian Americans had known of its existance for generations previous to this “discovery” didn’t count and the fact that their existence is being delegitimized by this very statement).  A couple of students in my class couldn’t seem to understand that this was a bad thing, as if they had never even thought of the fact that NO there is not just ONE history, there are hundreds due to all the different perspectives everyone has. Also, discussing white privilege and white guilt seemed to be a new topic for so many of the students in this same seminar. How the hell are we supposed to get to a new deeper place in these topics if half of the students haven’t even SERIOUSLY considered race?

This is where the dilemma of all education comes in. How do you bring a classroom full of students to the same level when they’ve come from such different backgrounds? Do you separate them (which will ultimately never get them on the same level simply because the one ahead will always be ahead)? or, do you keep them together and let the people ahead feel bored and not learn anything new? I thought that I had gotten out of this dilemma, or at least the extreme extent to which the dilemma can be at, once I got into college. But this is ever prevalent within this program.

But in this program’s defense, I am learning so much, but I think a lot of it has to do with purely being in Chicago. The seminars and precepts really have a way of getting you emersed into the city, allowing you to see the culture and the problems within all the “isms” (racism, adultism, sexism and so forth). But now I am understanding, and truly appreciating all that dry, sometimes boring, and always annoying, three hundred pages of reading I am required to do at CC per night. Having that theoretical background, knowing what other highly academic people are saying about these subjects, allows me and my peers to jump over the obvious surface subjects and get right down to the nitty gritty within the first fifteen minutes of the class. I almost wish that everyday we could have the three hours in the morning that we have at CC doing the super in depth conversations, discussions and debates that are all deeply informed, and then in the afternoon making those city visits that we make here in Chicago. Putting the two together would definitely make me a super-student, a super-citizen, a super-human.

there. I’ve vented.

-elle

“Traveling from NY. Lost Everything. Please Help. God Bless.”

“Alone. Broke. Help.”

“Need kibbles for my dog. Give what you can. God Bless.”

“Homeless. I need food.”

I’m saying out loud:

(in rhythm) “Help if you can, help if you can. Help if you can, help if you can.”

“Please give me money so I don’t have to dig through the trash tonight.”

“I’m just hungry.”

I’m wearing ripped stained clothes. My hair is probably in dread locks. My shoe is broken and when I walk it flaps against the pavement, being closer to the concrete then my feet. I have my blanket that I wear everyday. I’m usually looking down, not in your eyes.

I’m a man. I’m a woman. I’m young. And I’m old. I’m white. I’m black. I’m Latino.

And we like to say that hunger, and homelessness aren’t issues of such a “First World Country.”

There are about 4 homeless people I encounter on a daily basis. There’s an older woman always sitting on the bench as I get off the L to go home. She’s usually speaking to herself, playing with her uneven dreadlocks. She’s got Walgreens bags surrounding her and her extremely thin blue blanket on her lap. Then there’s the man in front of the L station as I’m leaving from home. He looks so, normal; if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s sitting on the ground with that same red blanket everyday. Then there’s the older gentleman, and I call him this because he really does look like a gentleman, as I’m walking into my gym. He sits on the ground with his head in his hands, his sign and cup sitting next to him, almost empty. I can just feel his embarrassment, I can just sense his utter desperation. And then the woman on my way to work, she’s got her dog in a baby carrier and she’s got her sign about the kibbles. That dog could probably have a better home, one WITH kibbles, but he just might be her only friend.

I hadn’t ever really encountered homelessness until I came here. At first it shocked me to see the man sleeping behind the trash can on my first walk into the city, but I don’t notice him anymore, and it’s only been three weeks since that day. Before I used to feel a pull to my purse to grab the couple of dollars I do have and hand it to the woman asking me for it, and now I don’t even hear her anymore. I don’t know what this says about me. I am a socially aware person. I’m on the Urban Studies Program for goodness sake. But what can I do for them? I do not have enough money to support any ONE of them, let alone all of them. Giving them a dollar here and there isn’t going to change any of their circumstances. And even logically, you have to realize that begging for money on the street, no matter how successful you may be at it, it is never going to be a very self sustaining job. It’s temporary by nature. It’s inefficient from the beginning. But what are their options? Maybe their family is either gone, or estranged to the point that they’re no longer family. Maybe they’ve been convicted of a felony (no judgement please), and getting a job is very out of reach. Maybe they’re mentally disabled and they just didn’t have that one person to look after them. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

I know that I’m the first one to say that homelessness is a structural thing, not personal; but where do you start? I guess this is more of a rhetorical question, because I don’t plan on answering it right now. I just wanted to put my thoughts down.

well, that’s it.

-elle

RAPE VICTIM ADVOCATES

JOB DESCRIPTION

Position Title: Advocacy Volunteer Program Intern

General Role Description: The Advocacy Volunteer Program Intern is responsible for assisting the advocacy team in providing medical advocacy to survivors of sexual violence and the Volunteer coordinator on program projects. The intern will provide crisis intervention, emotional support, medical advocacy, legal advocacy and appropriate referral/linkages to sexual assault victims/survivors and their significant others through the emergency department of contract hospitals, telephone crisis calls, and walk-in requests. The intern will also help other volunteers with trouble shooting and shift responsibilities.

Responsibilities:

1. Provide crisis intervention, emotional support, and medical/legal advocacy to survivors seen in the emergency department. One 12-hour shift per week will be required once training is completed.

2. Provide referrals and linkages to necessary follow-up services for sexual assault survivors, including temporary housing, food, clothing, locksmith services, substance abuse treatment, counseling, and court accompaniment.

3. Provide crisis intervention, as well as information and referrals via the office telephone.

4. Provide support and information to family members/significant others.

5. Attend meetings that encompass the Advocacy program, as available (e.g. Detective Oversight, State’s Attorney, WUASA/Regional Advocates Meeting).

6. Maintain accurate and complete records of all services delivered, including inputting data into the client database.

7. Assist the medical advocacy volunteer program with volunteer recruitment, scheduling and material preparation.

8. Complete projects designed specifically for the internship, which could include any of the following:

1. update the RVA active Volunteer and volunteer recruitment database
2. research potential new topics and update present topics for trainings and in-services
3. Survey of volunteer advocates

9. Attend health fairs and college events that welcome RVA volunteer opportunities for recruitment.

10. Assist Volunteer Coordinator with planning of potential events (e.g. Remembrance Day, Annual Appreciation Even, SAAM Events, and In-services).

11. Opportunity to attend a minimum of 40-hour intensive training and certification on sexual assault, which is included as part of the internship

The Advocacy Volunteer Program Intern requires strong interpersonal skills, an ability to advocate for the needs/rights of others, and good verbal and written communication skills. Completion of a minimum of 40-hour sexual assault training is required.

Thirty minutes later, Laquita offered me the internship.

Moral to the story: I’M SUPER EXCITED!!!

-elle

Everything was so eco-friendly, everything was recycled, everything was peace and love and I almost felt like I was back at CC for a moment!

After three hours of looking around, we decided to go find this trendy little ice cream spot our other roommates had told us about. It’s called iCream and was just down the street from the Damen station. This was the best street I’ve ever seen! Steve Madden, Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, Vintage stores, Aldo, and then iCream. ICream is an ice cream shop where they make the ice cream right there. You tell them the flavors the add ins and then they mix it up in either milk or yogurt, and then put it into a mixer and put nitrogen (I could be wrong I’m not a science person) in it to make it really cold really fast. It was the best ice cream I have ever had! I had pomegranate lemon ice cream with peaces and strawberries. I cannot wait to go back.

I’ve decided that if I ever return to Chicago for a more permanent amount of time (which I totally plan on living here one day, by the way!) Wicker Park is definitely the place I want to live! (now I wonder how many more times I’m going to say this about how many other neighborhoods!?!)

Well until next time,

-elle

I was planning on writing yesterday, but I didn’t even get back to my apartment until nine o’clock.  And now, it’s nine thirty and I’m EXHAUSTED! But I’ll give you a quick overview of what’s happened in the last 48 hours (really? that’s all? it feels like it’s been at least seven days that I’ve been here!)

We did a photo scavenger hunt that sent six groups to six different neighborhoods around chicago. I was sent to Little Italy which is located on the (let me talk this through I’m still getting used to the directions here) south west part of chicago, even though it really seems to be in the central west part of chicago it is below Madison Ave, so therefore it is considered south. The other neighborhoods that other students went to were Andersonville, Chinatown, Wicker Park, Hyde Park, and Pilsen. After we all went to the different locations we were sent to, we picked up food from the different areas. When we came back, we talked about our areas and ate everything from Hummus to Quesadillas to Egg Rolls to Italian Ice (and MORE). Moral to the story: SUPER FUN! and informative! I feel a lot more comfortable riding busses and the train and walking around neighborhoods I don’t really know.

Six other girls and I found a way to work out, which was something I was nervous about before I came. (That really has no significance besides the fact that now I am a member of Bally’s Gym and it was only $30 a month!  Ellie, an Urban Studies Student, said she investigated gyms in Logan Square and some costed up to $200 a month. Chicago is an expensive city!)

We had a speaker come in today, Jody Kretzmann. He spoke about community planning and how so many institutions and people focus on all the negatives when it comes to trying to rebuild a community. He showed us an application in order to get welfare. I am not even kidding, the only positive question on there was what is your age! The rest were, what skills do you not have, are you lacking a GED or High School diploma, what skills do you have that are useless, what disabilities do you have, what job experience do you lack. It’s ridiculous. These people are already obviously “down,” way to keep it that way! And what is so frustrating is that it could so easily be changed. Try asking: Do you have a GED? Do you have any work experience? Those may not be the best questions but it seems as though they are trying to put a negative spin on it. Jody Kretzmann’s entire point though was that the most successful community rebuilding is done by starting out with people’s assests, by seeing the glass half full, rather than half empty. It seems so simple and natural, but it’s such a revolutionary idea! (P.S. He never explicitly said it, but he described this movement he was apart of, and I’m pretty darn sure it was Freedom Summer. OH MY GOSH! This man is amazing!)

Well, now it’s almost ten and I haven’t even written half of what has happened! But as I said before I’m tired, and I have some reading to do. I’ll try to write tomorrow, but I think the best things is to not make any promises! I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow!

well…

talk later!

I actually arrived here on Saturday with my parents and got to explore downtown a little bit. We never really ventured far off of Michigan avenue much, but there was plenty to see there.

Today though, I finally got to our apartment. I have four apartment mates, which I originally thought was a lot to fit into one apartment, but to my enjoyment, the apartment is huge! There’s a little breakfast nook type thing, and two living rooms, a kitchen, three bedrooms, and only one bathroom. We drew letters out of a hat (s for single, d for double) in order to choose who got the single. I got a double. My roommate Hannah seems like a great fit.

I’ve already unpacked, gone to my Neighborhood Orientation with Darlene (my precept ‘leader’), and now I’m back in my room ready to read the two articles we have due for tomorrow and Wednesday.

I’ve already finished the book, Never a City so Real, and I haven’t quite gotten a huge impression of the town yet so I can’t say if the city lives up to the book, but I’m sure I will soon.

Off to read for now. I’ll update my blog tomorrow after my first trip on the el, and my first trip to the downtown office.

see ya later!

-elle